The AfterLoss Blog
Coming Home to Peace and ComfortThe first seasons in the Afterloss
In moving from the world of Before to the Afterloss there was a series of first I had to navigate – the first birthday without him or her, the first holiday, the first winter, spring, summer and autumn. (To this day, when summer changes to autumn I still need to move a little slower and rest a little longer in my thoughts and feelings.) read more…
Shared History
The best way to prepare for the next moment is to live fully in this one.
I knew my wife and children were dying. We had long months and years for preparatory grief. However, what I found was that preparatory grief didn’t prepare read more…
It’s OK to feel…
“People treat you like loss is an infectious disease as if they get close to you they’re going to catch it,” a friend said to me in a conversation yesterday morning.
I never thought of it like that before. I never looked at why some people just couldn’t show up in my life. I always interpreted their distance as a result of my pain read more…
I hope I never stop crying
Matt wanted to live to be a teenager. He died a month after his thirteenth birthday. The day after his birthday party, I was in the living room sitting on the floor listening to a song I was planning to have at his funeral. I was crying a waterfall of tears when he unexpectedly entered the room. He could no longer walk without aid read more…
Sacred Places for healing grief
There are sacred places uniquely designed for healing grief. These sacred places are created by the individual living in the Afterloss. These places become sacred by shared memories or significant events that reflect a deeper meaning in the Afterloss.
Before and After
After the thirteen year period of going through the lives and deaths of my family I was completely undone. It was then that I could let go absolutely in the Afterloss. A friend came over one day and said, “A couple of us were talking and we’re really worried about you. You read more…
What happens when we die?
What happens when we die? What is on the other side? Is there another side?
These are questions that sooner or later we all must face and we all must answer. In my younger years, part of my professional life as a spiritual caregiver, was to walk with people to read more…
My wife did the unthinkable and got me a facebook page
Rachel, my wife, finally did the unthinkable. She got me on Facebook.
For years she’s been saying, “You need to get on Facebook.”
My response has always been, “I don’t like to be social in person. Why would I want read more…
The multi layers of loss
I never was a big fan of the 5 Stages of Grief. Boxes tend to break. A better expression for me is the Multi-layers of Loss. Loss has never been a linear experience for me. In the world of the Afterloss point A oftentimes doesn’t go to read more…
What really matters
When Matt was 2 years old he would climb into the car on the driver’s side and grab the rear view mirror to balance himself.
It would irritate me to no end to have to clean off the smudge prints of his fingers that were usually caked with something. I’d encourage him to grab hold of something else, but he always hung on to the mirror to my consternation. read more…
Five things to do when loss first happens (part 1)
Whether the loss is a job, a relationship, a dream or someone you love, there is a major shift in what was to what is. The present is no longer the same and a new set of dynamics has dramatically descended upon your life.
A major change has happened and it will take time to readjust and reintegrate life again. However, time is the very thing you don’t feel you have during those initial moments when you find yourself shocked and shattered by loss.
That’s why I have written these suggestions. They will help you know what to do when all seems lost.
Slow motion and feeling out of sync
When you’re living in Afterloss everything is in slow motion. What I’ve come to realize it is out of sync with the world around us. People go on with lives and life changes for those in loss.
When will I turn the corner?
“When will this pain be over? When can I turn the corner? When is it going to shift?” I asked a friend. He said, “it’s just going to take time and distance.”
When massive waves of grief hit…
There were times when I would go through massive waves of grief. I would be overwhelmed, paralyzed and heaving for every breath. These episodes would last only a few minutes, but they would come out of nowhere and take over.