Everyone goes through loss. It is a part of all of us. Loss, whether it’s a relationship, a job, a dream, a loved one, or anything else takes up all the space one has.

I have a friend who just lost his job and it has put a tremendous strain on both he and his wife. Benjamin One lossThis is a big transition in their lives. Everything is up in the air.

I was taking a walk with her and could see she had a lot on her mind. I asked her how she was doing. She said, “I feel so bad feeling this way and talking to you about it after all you’ve been through.”

I never compare my life with anybody’s. I don’t see what I’ve gone through as being any different from anyone else. It may be different circumstances, but it’s the same dynamic. It’s the same pain. It brings up the same elements that are there to be addressed and healed.

I have done a lot of exploration of what loss in general means to me. I have lost romantic relationships, changed job, moved to other cities, dreams have come and gone…. Change is a part of life; and loss and gain are a part of change.

I once read, “If nothing changes, nothing changes.” At that time Lydia and Matt were still alive. I so desperately wanted to not lose them, but at the same time I did not want to keep them in a state of perpetual pain either. I made the conscious decision to accept the change, to live with the unfolding of loss and to embrace the love I could give that would never change.

What I have seen is that loss, no matter what it is, has just as much to do with how I relate to it as it has to do with what I have lost. This shows up in a very specific way, too. I have noticed when I have one loss it brings up so many other losses. It doesn’t mean I haven’t dealt with the others. It simply is an indication that I am still on the journey of unpacking how I experience and interpret loss in my life.

Looking deeply into loss itself has helped me in my healing of specific losses. What does it mean to lose something or someone? How do I react to another loss? How is this loss tied to other ones? These are some of the questions I address. Sometimes a minor loss brings up a reaction that could be seen as out of proportion to someone else. However, in the light of my previous experiences and what loss itself feels like in general, it oftentimes makes more sense than I, or others, may realize.

This helps me to be in non-judgment as to my reactions in any given circumstance. It also gives me the ability to be with another unconditionally no matter what they are going through, regardless of what kind of loss they are experiencing.

Loss is loss. And no matter what it is, it is important to the one who is living in loss. Therefore, it’s important to me. I can think of nothing greater than to sit with another in their journey and say, “You are not alone.”


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