The AfterLoss Blog
Coming Home to Peace and ComfortEven in my most solitary moments, I am not alone.
Even in my most solitary moments, I am not alone. I feel a presence. There is something beyond this moment, yet within this moment, that envelops my sorrow and rests in the read more…
Grief is not living in the past
Grief is not living in the past; grief is missing the ones I love in the present. I do not miss yesterday or long for bygone days. I miss not what was, but what isn’t. read more…
“Promise me you won’t let him suffer.”
Lydia knew suffering. She had endured physical pain far beyond my comprehension. She suffered emotional loss, the cruel deterioration of dementia and a broken spirit. read more…
“Tears are the silent language of grief.” Voltaire
“Tears are the silent language of grief.” Voltaire
Voltaire was a man of words, but apparently he knew the silence of sorrow. He must have known that place beyond words deep within the origin of loss. No one unfamiliar read more…
What keeps us so connected to the ones we love?
Have you experienced the presence of a loved one? What keeps us so connected to the ones we love?
My relationship is never ending, even when breath ends. There are still things that need read more…
After the funeral and everybody’s gone home, where do you go?
It was like there was a big reception and everybody came, but I was left with the mess. I was left with me.
Matt’s funeral was a beautiful display of love. His fellow six graders became a choir and read more…
Am I crazy? Or is it the culture that’s crazy?
Have you experienced the presence of a loved one? What keeps us so connected to the ones we love?
My relationship is never ending, even when breath ends. There are still things that need to be said, felt and shared. I have needed closure. read more…
Will I ever be able to love again?
One of the great questions when someone enters the world of the Afterloss is “what happens to love?” I have found so many different answers to all the different ramifications to this question of what does
What does healing from a tremendous loss mean?
There is a reason this page is called Healing in the Afterloss. But what is healing?
Healing for me doesn’t mean the hurt goes away. Healing means the hurt changes. Instead of the hurt being in the shape of a broken heart, it is now in the shape of an open heart. read more…
The power of photographs
What makes us yearn not to be forgotten and not to forget?
Years before I had lost everything I was speaking to someone whose child had died. In the newspaper there was an account of a landslide in our community that took a house down a ravine. Gratefully, no one was in the house, but everything was completely destroyed. read more…
The role of memory in healing
Memory plays such an important role in my healing loss. I needed to touch those memories in a real and tangible way.
I would drive to special places that held those memories. I would visit them often to replay the preciousness of the place we spent a moment of laughter, a photograph, a kiss, a glance. From a place we sat on the beach to tourist traps we visited on our honeymoon, read more…
Grief is about living.
There is a difference between moving on and going on.
So much of our culture is uncomfortable with pain, and the pain of loss is no different. There is an underlying sentiment in our society that if we ignore it, it doesn’t exist. Loss exists. Loss exists for a long time, perhaps a lifetime. read more…
Aloneness is an inevitable part of the Afterloss’ landscape.
There are just some places only you can go. My experience with the parts of my path where I am utterly alone is that it can be a place of great healing and great pain, sometimes at the same time. read more…
Loss is loss
Everyone goes through loss. It is a part of all of us. Loss, whether it’s a relationship, a job, a dream, a loved one, or anything else takes up all the space one has.
I have a friend who just lost his job and it has put a tremendous strain on both he and his wife. read more…
When will the pain ever end?
There is no simple answer.
This isn’t an infomercial exercise program or diet with easy answers and timeframes. This is life lived in the shadow of death. I have yet to experience a step-by-step guide that says, “do this and the pain will go away in just 12 easy days.” read more…
Memories hurt. Memories heal
Memories can both heal and hurt.
Memories touch me as much as I touch them. Depending on the texture of the touch I can gauge how far my healing has come…and how far my healing has yet to go. read more…
Sacred Places and sacred moments
There are sacred places and sacred moments where life intersects with loss and one meaning expands into another. Half Moon Bay, California is one of my most sacred of places. It was where Lydia and I collected beautiful memories early in our marriage. It was a place we would read more…
Why? Why me?
In my world of the Afterloss there is this giant mythological creature with two heads called Futility. One head constantly moans “if only” and the other head incessantly cries, “why?” In my first layer of loss Futility stalked me, haunted me read more…
Fear and panic attacks
“Fear is just an illusion,” he said to me.
But when this panic attack hit, the fear sure felt real. I gripped the steering wheel tightly as I drove through rush hour traffic, trying to stay focused on not crashing. I frantically made my way to the shoulder of the highway, shaking like a leaf. read more…
It’s a part of life
Day before yesterday I experienced the rose ceremony in honor of Bryan. His short life did not carry the many years of memories that Lydia’s and Matt’s do, but there are always enough memories for each petal. read more…