What matters most is what really matters.

by Benjamin Allen | May 9, 2014 | reflections on grief, reflections on grief recovery, reintegration after loss

In the initial shock, I went into remote control just doing the next thing. Holding my child. Making the call to my brother. Calling the hospice nurse. Holding my child. Calling his grandparents. Calling the funeral director. Holding my child. No matter how much...

“I can live here. I just don’t fit here,” a dear friend said this morning on the phone.

by Benjamin Allen | May 8, 2014 | reflections on grief, reflections on grief recovery, reintegration after loss

She and I share many commonalities, but two of the most familiar on this path are loss and life. I, too, have said on many occasions to other people, “I just don’t think I fit here anymore.” Our conversation was about thirty minutes ago and I’ve been reflecting on...

How do we bear the unbearable?

by Benjamin Allen | May 7, 2014 | reflections on grief, reflections on grief recovery, reintegration after loss

I wish there was a roadmap in my Afterloss. I wish I knew what I needed to do when my world first imploded. It would have been nice to know the pain was going to last for a certain amount of time and then it would be okay. From the first moment to this moment I have...

On the night of his birth, the doctor said it may be his only night.

by Benjamin Allen | May 6, 2014 | reflections on grief, reflections on grief recovery, reintegration after loss

I sat next Matt in the ICU that night. We lived life in seconds, in short rapid breaths, in love. He held my index finger. He held my heart. And I begged him to hold on. I matched the rapid rhythm of his breath, the short palpitations, the gasping for air. On that...

I miss them. And I miss the missing pieces of me.

by Benjamin Allen | May 5, 2014 | reflections on grief, reflections on grief recovery, reintegration after loss

When they left a part of me left, too. In loss, I wandered through life wondering what else of me was gone. I have not found anything that replaces what has left and what is left of me today is scattered across the landscape of my Afterloss. I am a puzzle with missing...

I did not understand just how much I lost when they died.

by Benjamin Allen | May 4, 2014 | reflections on grief, reflections on grief recovery, reintegration after loss

I understood the loss of their touch, the sound of their voice and that deep connection reflected in a smile or a quick glance. But what I did not understand was how death changed every relationship. Death changed me. Death irrevocably changed my world. However, the...