Today is Lydia’s birthday. She would have been 61, but she isn’t.

by Benjamin Allen | Jun 21, 2014 | reflections on grief, reflections on grief recovery, reintegration after loss

She would have been a lot of things, but she isn’t. The one thing she is is she’s not forgotten. This week I have been out of sorts, a little off center. Things have been just a little out of focus. I have had a low-grade anxiety that something is off kilter. These...

What I hold, holds on to me.

by Benjamin Allen | Jun 20, 2014 | reflections on grief, reflections on grief recovery, reintegration after loss

How do I hold on to love and let go of the pain? Is it possible to separate the two? I hold a photograph and it takes me to a place of deep warmth in memory. I remember the moment with tenderness, with gratitude, with love. Looking up from the photo, I am here. The...

There is more missing in my life than just the one I love.

by Benjamin Allen | Jun 18, 2014 | reflections on grief, reflections on grief recovery, reintegration after loss

The missing parts of me have gone missing. Hopes and dreams have disappeared. I wanted so much for them. I had not realized how much more I wanted for me, too. When they say life goes on I take it to mean graduations will take place and my children won’t be there....

What does “two steps forward and one step back” mean?

by Benjamin Allen | Jun 17, 2014 | reflections on grief, reflections on grief recovery, reintegration after loss

I used to think grief had a destination. There was a place in the distance where everything was going to be okay. The past would heal. Life would return to “normal.” Somewhere out there everything was going to be okay. Okay is not out there. If I am to find okay, I...

Today is Father’s Day.

by Benjamin Allen | Jun 15, 2014 | reflections on grief, reflections on grief recovery, reintegration after loss

Since this is a time of remembrance and a time of celebrating the honor of being a father, I can think of nothing more appropriate than to share than the prologue from the book I wrote called Out of the Ashes: Healing in the Afterloss, which has so much to do with...

There are those in grief who live in separation from the world around them, not by choice but by necessity.

by Benjamin Allen | Jun 13, 2014 | reflections on grief, reflections on grief recovery, reintegration after loss

Initially in loss, the people around us gather. Then time is up and the people scatter, going back to their lives, leaving the one in loss to wander their sorrow looking for where the old life went. It appears to be a timing thing. I heard the unspoken rule of grief’s...