Death stopped time, but time went on.

by Benjamin Allen | Jul 4, 2014 | reflections on grief, reflections on grief recovery, reintegration after loss

I grew older, but they did not. I continued to gather experiences, but the memory of them brought our today to an end. All three of their deaths happened over twenty years ago. The moment they died, moment changed. Matt took his last breath at the age of 13. He would...

There is so little I understand, so little I know.

by Benjamin Allen | Jun 30, 2014 | reflections on grief, reflections on grief recovery, reintegration after loss

So I have had to find a way to live in the unknown. I once had this idea that if I could make sense of my losses I would be able to find peace. If I could only understand why all this was happening, or figure out what I had done, or even what was being done, I could...

Layer upon layer, lost in the layers of loss.

by Benjamin Allen | Jun 29, 2014 | reflections on grief, reflections on grief recovery, reintegration after loss

I am in another phase of going deeper into life. There is so much I have had to leave behind. I cannot carry all that was into where I need to go. Some parts of my past have to find peace there. Other parts that have found peace must come with me into the layers that...

When each of them died, I needed to be alone.

by Benjamin Allen | Jun 26, 2014 | reflections on grief, reflections on grief recovery, reintegration after loss

I just want the world to go away, for my world had gone away. Nothing was the same, but I was sitting in the same house, the same chair, hearing the same sounds. The real became the surreal. I became the surreal. And I needed to be by myself, for self had changed....

I wish we could sit in the same room and share the beat of broken hearts.

by Benjamin Allen | Jun 24, 2014 | reflections on grief, reflections on grief recovery, reintegration after loss

I read your words from a distance and they land deep within me. I do not know the sound of your voice, but I know the sound of your sorrow. We echo across a torn land with the anguish of torn lives. You have lost someone dear and I know the dearness of loss. I cry...

What is the color of loss?

by Benjamin Allen | Jun 23, 2014 | reflections on grief, reflections on grief recovery, reintegration after loss

I don’t know, but I know loss colors everything. Loss shades every aspect of my life. I live a kaleidoscope of moments and in each one there are the shifting colors laced in loss. A beautiful sunset paints the sky and somewhere in the majesty there is that part of me...