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Today is Father’s Day.

by Benjamin Allen | Jun 15, 2014 | reflections on grief, reflections on grief recovery, reintegration after loss

Since this is a time of remembrance and a time of celebrating the honor of being a father, I can think of nothing more appropriate than to share than the prologue from the book I wrote called Out of the Ashes: Healing in the Afterloss, which has so much to do with...

There are those in grief who live in separation from the world around them, not by choice but by necessity.

by Benjamin Allen | Jun 13, 2014 | reflections on grief, reflections on grief recovery, reintegration after loss

Initially in loss, the people around us gather. Then time is up and the people scatter, going back to their lives, leaving the one in loss to wander their sorrow looking for where the old life went. It appears to be a timing thing. I heard the unspoken rule of grief’s...

What are the parameters of pain?

by Benjamin Allen | Jun 12, 2014 | reflections on grief, reflections on grief recovery, reintegration after loss

How deep does pain go? Is there a limit to the expanse of my hurt? How much pain can someone take, and then, what takes over? Sorrow sometimes seems endless. I have not found a way to navigate around the emotional weight of loss in the doing of a day. I am unable to...

What is the difference between changing and slipping away?

by Benjamin Allen | Jun 9, 2014 | reflections on grief, reflections on grief recovery, reintegration after loss

Loss was changing me, but it felt like I was drifting away from everything I once was. When I went to Hawaii many years ago I was warned about kayaking alone. He said every now and then the currents change and it takes a kayak out beyond the island. The kayaker...

I live in the moment with trace elements.

by Benjamin Allen | May 16, 2014 | reflections on grief, reflections on grief recovery, reintegration after loss

There is a residue that resides within me. Memory that has yet to find its way into my past. What I went through is still going through me. When I am in stillness I still feel what was felt years ago as if it was right now. And in that stillness the dust settles...

Grief goes underground.

by Benjamin Allen | May 15, 2014 | reflections on grief, reflections on grief recovery, reintegration after loss

It lives in the subterranean world of secret sorrow. While those around me were getting “over it” I was just getting “into it.” There is a difference between grieving in solitude or solitary confinement. Invisible bars surrounded me. I couldn’t get out in my solitary...
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