We meet again. And again. And again.

by Benjamin Allen | Jul 24, 2014 | reflections on grief, reflections on grief recovery, reintegration after loss

We meet in a song, in an old photograph, a video that moves over and over, again and again. I carry more than your picture. I carry your memory. I carry a moment long ago, just minutes away in this moment. At any moment we meet. I could be walking down the street and...

Recently someone asked for me to address the issue of anger in the grieving process.

by Benjamin Allen | Jul 21, 2014 | reflections on grief, reflections on grief recovery, reintegration after loss

I have written about it in the past, but mostly as it relates to other areas of how I needed to lean into the sorrow to find my way through the day, and into the night, to ready for another day. Also in the request was how children who lose a loved one deal with anger...

The more I want to avoid the pain of loss, the greater the pain.

by Benjamin Allen | Jul 18, 2014 | reflections on grief, reflections on grief recovery, reintegration after loss

I will carry loss the rest of my life. The question is, “How do I choose to carry such loss, and such love, in such a life?” Today, I have been wandering the recesses of my Afterloss with how I carry pain. It has brought me to a place I cannot pass until I deal with...

“It’s just going to take time.”

by Benjamin Allen | Jul 16, 2014 | reflections on grief, reflections on grief recovery, reintegration after loss

I hated it when people would say that to me. What does that mean? Is that supposed to be of comfort? Time took the ones I love. Time stole our future. Time took our present. Time haunted my past. “It’s just going to take time.” What else is time going to take? Will...

It’s like going on autopilot.

by Benjamin Allen | Jul 15, 2014 | reflections on grief, reflections on grief recovery, reintegration after loss

Trauma strikes and the world I once knew catapults into the unknown and I just do what I have to do. I don’t know how it happens, but I go into remote control. My emotions are put to the side, numbed in their overwhelm. The mind submerges into an emergency state. And...

Grief is not a paint by numbers process.

by Benjamin Allen | Jul 11, 2014 | reflections on grief, reflections on grief recovery, reintegration after loss

There is no norm just as there is no normal. Point A no longer goes to Point B. The only path I can go is mine. The pulse of an irregular beat of a broken heart guides the healing of my sorrow. Loss has no formulaic cure. Grief is not something to be cured. Grief is a...