by Benjamin Allen | Feb 6, 2014 | reflections on grief, reflections on grief recovery
In my world of the Afterloss there is this giant mythological creature with two heads called Futility. One head constantly moans “if only” and the other head incessantly cries, “why?” In my first layer of loss Futility stalked me, haunted me and consumed me. Today I...
by Benjamin Allen | Feb 6, 2014 | reflections on grief, reflections on grief recovery
“Fear is just an illusion,” he said to me. But when this panic attack hit, the fear sure felt real. I gripped the steering wheel tightly as I drove through rush hour traffic, trying to stay focused on not crashing. I frantically made my way to the shoulder of the...
by Benjamin Allen | Feb 6, 2014 | reflections on grief, reflections on grief recovery
Day before yesterday I experienced the rose ceremony in honor of Bryan. His short life did not carry the many years of memories that Lydia’s and Matt’s do, but there are always enough memories for each petal. I went to a creek that flows into Lake Tahoe. The winter...
by Benjamin Allen | Feb 2, 2014 | reflections on grief, reflections on grief recovery
In moving from the world of Before to the Afterloss there was a series of first I had to navigate – the first birthday without him or her, the first holiday, the first winter, spring, summer and autumn. (To this day, when summer changes to autumn I still need to...
by Benjamin Allen | Feb 2, 2014 | reflections on grief, reflections on grief recovery
The best way to prepare for the next moment is to live fully in this one. I knew my wife and children were dying. We had long months and years for preparatory grief. However, what I found was that preparatory grief didn’t prepare me for their deaths. It prepared me...
by Benjamin Allen | Feb 2, 2014 | reflections on grief, reflections on grief recovery
“People treat you like loss is an infectious disease as if they get close to you they’re going to catch it,” a friend said to me in a conversation yesterday morning. I never thought of it like that before. I never looked at why some people just couldn’t show up in my...
