I wouldn’t exactly have called them “panic attacks.”

by Benjamin Allen | Apr 13, 2014 | reflections on grief, reflections on grief recovery, reintegration after loss

They were more like “panic ambushes”. Fear would come out of nowhere and seize me. The strongest seizures were when we first started the journey of loss when Bryan was months away from death and ten years later during the months leading up to Matt’s death. There were...

Grief is surreal.

by Benjamin Allen | Apr 12, 2014 | reflections on grief, reflections on grief recovery, reintegration after loss

I know that place where night fades into day and day gives way to night. I have rested in the relief that another day is finished and dreaded the moment the sun steals my night. I stopped the day death took them, but the day didn’t stop. The day pulled me into night,...

What happens when the world goes on and you want to stop?

by Benjamin Allen | Apr 10, 2014 | reflections on grief, reflections on grief recovery, reintegration after loss

Today is Monday and I have to go to work. I’m trying to cut down on my use of four letter words, but I just can’t seem to shake ‘work’. I want to go back to bed. It’s not that I’m physically tired. I’m just a little road weary. All I really want is to do what I want...

Who defines what is ‘normal’?

by Benjamin Allen | Apr 5, 2014 | reflections on grief, reflections on grief recovery, reintegration after loss

When I say to someone living in loss, “It’s one of those days,” they know. They know what “those days” means when it feels like I’m running in water and everything is sluggish. They know what it means when I say I’m a little down. And those that know me know how down...

Grief does not come to me in stages. Grief unfolds in layers.

by Benjamin Allen | Apr 4, 2014 | reflections on grief, reflections on grief recovery, reintegration after loss

I do not relate to the famous 5 Stages of Grief. I experience grief in the paradigm of The Multi-layers of Loss. My loss unfolds layer after layer that is not bound by dimension or time. Memory and moment weave their own directional course and my sorrow follows the...

Everyone has a story. And stories are meant to be shared.

by Benjamin Allen | Apr 3, 2014 | reflections on grief, reflections on grief recovery, reintegration after loss

We heal when we gather within our common ground and walk our common path. We speak of the ones we love and have lost and find others who know love, know loss…and know us. A friend of mine and I were talking at the end of Matt’s life. Lydia and I knew Maria before Matt...