The AfterLoss Blog

Coming Home to Peace and Comfort

Everyone has a story. And stories are meant to be shared.

We heal when we gather within our common ground and walk our common path. We speak of the ones we love and have lost and find others who know love, know loss…and know us. read more…

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What do I do with all this love?

When they died, the dream died. I was left with love without a dream. In loss, I found my deepest love had no place go, no embrace, no dream. read more…

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When they died, was my world turned upside down or right side up?

When my heart broke my world shattered. What was once important to me no longer mattered. I questioned everything. read more…

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When they died, people would come. After the funeral, people would go

When they died, people would come. After the funeral, people would go. In reality, we all come, and we all go.

We come together to mourn and our mourning sends us into our own Afterloss. What brings read more…

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I am about to lose someone special. Loss begins before the last breath.

She has lived a long life. She is in her 80s. She was with me when Lydia, my wife and her daughter, died. We have shared so many moments of tenderness and loss. Today she is in hospice and time is about to unfold her timelessness. read more…

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Ever need timeout?

When our son was little we used “time out” as a way of discipline.

I sure could use a time out today. read more…

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The more complicated my life gets, the simpler I take it.

How do you measure a moment? When sorrow seizes life, two of its hostages are tasks and time. There are things that must be done, responsibilities that I needed to complete. read more…

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To find freedom, I needed to find forgiveness.

To find healing, I needed to come to a place where I forgave everything, including me. Today, I have no regrets, but it has been an arduous journey to find freedom and healing, to live in forgiveness. read more…

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I needed time. Not their time. My time.

Not the time that circles numbers on a clock, but the time that encircles a heart.

I needed to walk with my sorrow in my sorrow. I needed to be alone, to be with others and to just be. read more…

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What is the difference between depression and grief?

The difference between depression and grief is one of location.

Grief begins in my heart and pulsates out into my world. Depression, for me, resides in the recessive realms of my life with no tangible center. Grief is like read more…

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Are you running on empty?

The theme song for my early days of living in sorrow and loss was “Running on Empty” by Jackson Browne. There simply wasn’t a lot of reserve left in the tank. read more…

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Loss – it takes what it takes and gives what it gives.

Loss took everything and it took everything I had left to make it through the day. In the initial aftermath of their deaths, and my remains, I inched my way through the moment. read more…

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Who made the rules on how, when and where to grieve?

Who put a stopwatch on grief? Who are the powers that be? Who said, “Time’s up. Time to move on,” and left those living in loss to live in secret? read more…

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“I know how you feel.” Really?

Do you really know how I feel? Do you know what it’s like to wake up in the morning exhausted? Do you know what it feels like to break into tears at a grocery store by just read more…

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So many questions, so few answers.

I had so many questions and so few answers. Our Afterloss did not begin with the first death. By the time we held Bryan for the last time we were three months into total read more…

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I always wanted one more day.

Matt was so sick, so close to death. He was on hospice for eight months. In his last two days all the signs that the body was emptying were there. I could touch his hand, but his read more…

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I can go on, but I have no need to move on.

There is a difference between the two, just as there is a difference between the two worlds my loss has come to know. I can go on in this world. I may not be able to go in read more…

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When am I going to turn the corner?

For years I kept thinking there was a corner to turn in my grief. I kept thinking that I should be better by now; that I should be able to re-enter the life I once knew and get on read more…

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What does it mean to “heal” from the death of a loved one?

I have no clue.

What does it mean for me to heal from the death of a loved one? I have my experience. read more…

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When there is nothing left, what is left to give?

When Lydia was thirteen, my father joked that she was the head of the Wounded Bird Society. Her greatest passion was caring. One of her greatest gifts to life was she cared. read more…

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